Friday Haha

im going to start the weekend right and start publishing friday hahas. this is where i grace you with my wit and hilarity and you laugh, sometimes at my expense. thats ok, i laugh at my expense a lot as well 🙂

This week’s features players: Lief, Augie, and yours truly.

Lief is five and a half. he’s anxious and honest and creative and wild and bigger than life. Augie is a three year old bruiser and his brother’s shadow. Stage set? good.

Lief has decided “being fat” is bad and scary and we have been talking a lot about being healthy rather than focusing on “fat” and “skinny” (serious note: yes, boys need body positive messages as well).  I was sitting criss-cross-applesauce on the couch preaching the good word about how all bodies are awesome and that we love people, regardless of what they look like. Lief, in all of his infinite honesty sweetly says, “yes, and i love you even though you are fat”.

While my ears are simultaneously hearing “you are fat” and my brain is reminding my body and mouth to respond with upbeat positive words, Augie came barrelling at me, face planted his head in my crotch, and basically raspberried my vagina.

when your brain and body goes into shock, a lot can happen. Im a laugher at funerals. Im a stand-stiller in panic mode moments where i should move. my reactions go haywire. So for this, I just started shouted, “is this happening?! did that just happen?!”   shoved augie off of me, and then cackled until i had tears. Hubs looked like a malfunctioning robot sort of moving in all directions deciding how to execute his next function. “you GUYS! come ON!  Miranda they didn’t mean – I mean Lief, really? august MOVE! MIRANDAYOUREBEAUTIFUL!” this made me laugh even harder. He looked terrified because, to be fair, I was doing a scream-laughter with tears that could be mistaken for a breaking point where butterfly nets were required.

And Lief smiled and walked off, pleased that he still loved me, regardless of all of this (making some arm movements a la Tina from Bobs Burgers). August ran off screaming something about buttholes and poop.

Parenting. it’s a for real deal sometimes.